Bit of touch

Finally, I have time to blog about my week and things that have happened! This week indeed has been the most stressful week since the year started. I've had all sort of things this week, too many. 

Let me talk about Chinese New Year, it was kinda different this year. Totally. Different. I had a very unusual celebration in fact. As you know I was almost going into grief regarding the family issues. I was so scared yet so looking forward to what would be going to happen between my family and I. Anyway, I would say that the relatives thingy became nothing much, we had a great time and I knew why those people behaved so abnormally. There were so many hidden reasons, humans are sinful, I have got to know that. Nothing could actually change that but God. I started to know bits by bits. 

I still wonder who;s reading my blog though. I salute to my readers who are willing to read all my stupid craps and nonsense with my bad English. I love the feeling of being loved. One can definitely know who loves him/her, that kind of feeling is not even a feeling, it's a fact that can be secretly know and felt and immersed if one loves you. Well, I'm saying that those who take an effort to read my blog posts are those who love me. Wow, yeah, I can feel that.                                                           

Getting back marks and results for my previous test is very scary. What I mean here is that people around me will definitely start asking me about my marks and they'll compare! This is stupid I think. People love to compare, don't they know everyone has their own uniqueness. I think I said this before. Okay, I shall stop saying the same thing. 

Wednesday, I went to a place or school called 'Dignity' in Sentul. It's a school for refugees' kids, I saw a lot of things through them, they're so nice and good. They know how to behave themselves and they're lovely. I started missing them when I got back home that day. They don't have an IC, they only have to accept how they were born, who they are and they learn to know a lot of society things, they love their own country and they're thankful that they live in Malaysia. I have got to learn from them. From next week onward, I'll be a tutor for them, teaching them Math and Science. 

This week is very though I would say, but I thank God that I have a friend who's so encouraging and supportive. The most important thing that I learn from this friend is that prayers are the most useful weapon when facing troubles. Always turn to God when I feel lost.                 

I can't express all sort of things through this post, talking face to face is always more preferred. Alright I gotta go. Bye.

Me, taken by myself in Bintulu. 

Love,
Emily
27/02/2015                                                          

Beyond time and space, black hole

Hey there, I woke up quite early today, it was because my sister controlled the air conditioner and made me feel freezing cold. 

I have no idea why I'd like to write this post, I know this sounds annoying but writing makes my mind stop awhile and think more about what's happening around, I guess. As it's so near to the celebration of Chinese New Year, I feel so scared yet so excited to go back to my hometown where I've gone back since January last year. Even so, I have never felt nostalgic as the ways people used to treat me have made me so unwillingly to love them. Well, I should forgive them and start to love them. I guess, I should go and find out about the reasons in the mean time (As I really don't understand why can relatives be so cold to me. WHY? Tell me.).

Knowing that my friends who went for national service are back, the results will be out very soon. I can't predict anything. Sometimes, I just hate how I think. Thinking of how people are better than me, how weak and bad I'm. Thinking too much sometimes doesn't actually help, actions are supposed to be taken after feeling bad about myself. I'll do it, my aim of life is just to be a small person who contributes to the society and more importantly shine for God so as to witness Him. Why on earth do I still worry and compare so much? Sinful thoughts shouldn't be conquering me!

Wow, this sounds so motivating to me. Alright, I have to make full use of my time. Spending time to love people around, working hard for God academically and behave well (I wanna be a good kid). Well, if you know me well, I'm kinda crazy about doing anything. I always like to put in as much effort as I have into doing a thing. You  probably know that, I'm extremely limited and small in making things to be successful. But I guess everyone is the same, right? This is also when one dies in failure and finds the way to make through it through the Almighty God. Pretty amazing, isn't it? Failures lead us to look for God. I don't mean that you must always fail, but it's just a blessings when God doesn't want you to do things all by yourself but with and in Him. And, I suppose, this is how a Christian witnesses for God.

As time passes, I need to change and have breakfast with my family before going to college. Let the love goes beyond the time. Time is such a blessing from God to everyone who lives on the earth. That's why we're experiencing 4D on the earth. <3 Physics, it's so related to God when you start to link the together.

It's me, taken by Elisa in Hyde Park, London.

With love,
Emily
16/02/2015

Right

Hello, dear reader. I know that a lot of people know know me actually read my blog and that has amazed me. I was kinda shocked when my friend just told me that he actually knew my blog before I shared it. Well, it sort of made me feel happy somehow, you know, that kind of feeling when your friend takes the initiative to know you. It's an honor to me. Alright, I should stop expressing my feeling here. 

Back to my real life story, I'm having a real stress currently. Seeing so many people who're so successful in life, being all-rounded and having their very own talents and stuff like that. Whenever I think about this, I'll start to evaluate myself if I'm a person who builds the confidence in God or things. I have no idea where to think about it. It's somehow a bad thing.

Let me talk about my progress of reading, it's still quite hard for me to read and focus. I find no interest in doing things. Sometimes, things are just meaningless for me. Like a lot of time, I just don't understand how people find what they like in their lives and how they actually transform the passion into a field for them to explore. Like what my friend once shared, 'I know everything, but I'm good at nothing'. I don't know if I'm at the right pathway. 

This makes me think of what happened this afternoon during CF. 'Who makes decisions in you life?' My answer was God, and is God and will be God. I feel that the reason of why I'm Emily and doing all these stuff is because of God. He makes my life this way. It's very obvious when He actually wants you to do this but not that. It's hardly to be explained, you can only know what I mean when you really experience it yourself. 

My eyes are almost close. I need to take a shower and do some maths questions now. I have to be hardworking and work for God. I can't just simply go with my feelings and desires. Everything takes time to do. 'Now, time is the only limiting factor'. This was what my Physics teacher told me, it made me love physics so much. 

I need a lot more quiet time to think and figure out things that happen around me. I don't wanna be too innocent. My friend said that I actually have all sort of thoughts inside my brain. Well, I don't know, it might be wrong, who knows? 

How sure are you that you're on the right track? Taken by me, in Nottingham. 

With love,
Emily
13/02/2015

Looking around

Hello, dear reader!

Well, I actually don't feel like writing this post but my hands want to type so much. So, I'm gonna keep this short.

I was quite joyful as the class started today, I did a little bit of studying yesterday so today's stuff wasn't as hard to be understood. I started to love Human Biology. Last night was a night that I complaint the most. I was so frustrated about the textbook and all the slides that my adorable lecturer gave. Everything seemed extremely incomplete. I had no idea how to improve myself. Therefore, I decided to borrow a book from the library and photostat, shh...( I don't know where to buy the book, how then?)

Everything has been okay since the week started, I was so stressed out before I did my presentation for EALD. After all, I found that time just passes without you knowing. I'm having another Chemistry test tomorrow and I guess it'll be quite hard, so, I gotta study hard tonight. Reading, understanding and analysing are so hard. I hate thinking but I can't help.

I went home early today as it's Wednesday. I thought it would be a lonely, scary time for me to walk from the college to the station. Thankfully, my mpu friends accompanied me to walk to the station and I felt so safe and secured. I sometimes just feel so worried and anxious when I walk alone, my fright and flight action is sort of generated. Well, it's really hard to find people who're willing to keep you safe. Be grateful!

My today's feeling is just grateful. Things are just amazing when you treat them as the blessings and gifts from God. Humility makes one grateful and joyful. I started to like reading somehow. 

Throwback to my 2 year ago's photography skill, taken in Putrajaya during school trip.

With love,
Emily
11/02/2015

Quietness and peace; changes

Hello. It's a Thursday night and I decided to spend some times writing a blog post.

It's been a challenging year. I've met different kind of people and my studying environment totally changed. Even the people around me started changing, maybe I do as well.

I remember last week, my twin and I accompanied our dearest mum to go shopping. We all bought something that we wanted. For me, I bought a pink hoodie and a shirt. They were both under great promotions and I've really wanted to get myself another colour of hoodie so I got it in Uniqlo! I don't know why but when I saw how my twin and mum bought their clothes and stuff like that, the price seemed like nothing to them. I thought I would be the one who would be spending money like I could simply get cash. But, no, it was somehow scary when you see hundreds and hundreds of money was gone. Indeed, I contributed a little part of it.

That was how I spent my holidays. Well, I have no idea why but I love going to college. I'm eager to go for classes like Physics and Mathematics or even Chemistry. I love Physics so much, the lecturer's style of teaching makes me think a lot and understand about those motions. It's far too fun and interesting.

I started to feel that I'm kind of living independently. All the classes without Elisa and I find it normal and I'm used to be alone or with some other friends. We get to meet each other during breaks for sure. I enjoy being alone actually. The feeling is just great, the atmosphere is so quiet. I do anything I like as I don't have to wait for anyone or care of anyone or be called to take care of anyone. I just like being alone and enjoy the peaceful scenery without music, without speeches, without talking and without stress. 

I don't think I started to be introvert since I neither an extrovert person nor introvert person. A lot of my friends say I'm the crazy one who loves to joke and talk more but I don't like all these, honestly. I like to be alone. I don't feel lonely though. 

My eye lids want to close so badly. I have gotta read a few pages of the book and sleep soon. Yay, there's Physics tomorrow!

With love,
Emily
05/02/2015